


Fuck me until I’m no longer afraid

by nasaherondale



Category: LyannexKacy, No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bisexual, Eating Disorder, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 09:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15627384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nasaherondale/pseuds/nasaherondale
Summary: Kacy is bisexual, but she’s probably the most gayest girl you’ll ever meet. Having a crush on her internet best friend lyanne who also likes her, she thinks she might have a chance at happiness and love, lyanne is too scared to date someone of the same sex, so they decide to stay friends until layanne is ready. Kacy is the main character of this story, she’s rarely ever happy, and self harms daily, but when lyanne came along,things started changing for her, she saw herself in the future being happy..but she was scared of it. This story is filled with a mixture of angst,fluff, and smut.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fiction ever -_- it’s probably trash who knows..but eh enjoy i guess.

*Kacy pov*

“Today is going to be great. “today I’m going to be happy”. Kacy says to herself repeatedly while staring at her self in the mirror.

 

*still staring at herself in the mirror* 

 

“Ya today I’m going to be happy, i mean i’m meeting lyanne for the first time ever..what could go wrong”

“Well i mean, your desperate ass could fuck things up and kiss her and shock her and make her hate your guts”.

“No no I won’t, I respect and love her too much to fuck things up”

 

*after getting ready*

“Okay I’m ready now”

“I should text her and make sure we meet at the right time and stuff”

*Texting Lyanne*

“Hey baby just wanted to double check the timings and stuff...oh and also I’m bringing cookies :p cya tnight lynie”

 

*Lyannes POV*

 

“Ding Ding Ding”

Lyannes phone started buzzing as she was taking a napl

She wakes up taking her phone to her hand and reading her text from kacy

 

She smiles softly to herself and replies

*1st text*

“Hey babe, i think around 7-8pm would be perfect! And yes hahaha bring cookies Pweaseee”

 

*2nd text*

 

“I’m so excited i cant wait”

 

*kacy replies*

“Hahah me too but tbh im actually so nervous to fuck things up ughh...like im finally meeting you after all this time its a dream come true but like...:’) im still nervous ykwim....im excited though dont get me wrong! Like over the moon excited! Just a bit nervous is all...okay lol ill shut the fuck up and go finish cookies now hahah” *lyanne smiles reading the text” Kacys really damn nervous wow, Shes ranting she must be really really nervous *lyanne replies* “Lol babe dont be nervous things are gonna go great i can feel it! Okay go do them cookies ill cya tnight “


	2. Fuck me until I’m no longer afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyanne and kacy finally meet and things...get spicy

*kacys Pov*

 

Damnit this uber is taking forever to get me to that park whats his issue.

“Excuse me sir, would you mind hurrying up im already late ;/“ I say as politely as i can

 

“Ma’am theres quitee a bit of traffic I’m sorry” uber dude says

“Fuck it ill just walk from here then”i say

 

I pay the uber and walk towards the park hands sweating and heart beatinng fast.

 

“Ring ring ring” shit shit lyannes calling me... is she about to cancel the plans oh no please let her not cancel the plans!

 

*answering the phone”

 

“Lyanne? Hi! Whats—“i try to say

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ITS BEEN AN HOUR AND YOUR STILL NOT HERE KACE” i hear her reply

 

“HAHAHAAH SORRY BABE THE UBER WAS TAKING AGES IM ON MY WAY NOW THOUGH”

 

“Okay ill stay on the phone with you “

 

“Okay”

 

Suddenly i feel my heart drop and beat faster then ever..is that her? Is that lyanne? I see her standing there by the lake in her white shirt and jeans and her glasses on her nose her eyes as big as a puppies looking down at the floor with her phone to her ear.

 

“Lyanne turn around I’m here”

 

*she turns around and sees me”

Both of stop cold in our tracks

 

And the next thing i know im running towards her..like in those sappy animes im running towards the girl i love and shes coming towards me smiling the most adorable smile ive ever seen her smile.

 

Finally what feels like hours of me running to her i jump to her arms and she holds me...*whispering*” oh my god it’s nice to finally meet you”

 

I don’t know what to say, im speechless, because the love of my life is holding me so tight and so gentle and i never want her to let me go.

 

*she whispers* my moms here she wants to meet you and make sure you aren’t a murderer” 

 

That made me burst into laughter as i turned around to greet her mother.

 

Five minutes later we’re sitting on the grass, hands intertwined and just sitting and talking about the most weirdest random shit.

 

About our favorite Kpop group EXO and about or family lifes and all that stuff.

 

But then...she grabs my wrist and i start panicking and pull it back...she says “i want to kiss them i want to kiss your scars” 

I just sit there grabbing my wrist and shaking because I don’t want her to see them..she’ll start crying and start getting mad but i want today to be filled with happy memories.

 

“ please don’t lyannie please don’t “

 

“Okay I’m sorry, I won’t “

 

*i take the cookies out of my bag and hand them to her*

 

“I made these for you and your family” i mutter.

 

She hugs me and says thank you and starts eating them.

 

I look at them and feel like barfing

The amount of calories that will give me oh my god. I can’t look at them any longer I’m gonna be sick.

 

“Babe where’s the bathroom?” I ask her.

“Oh it just down there I’ll take you “

 

We walk together to the bathroom hand in hand..and i listen to her chattering away and it puts me at ease.

 

*entering the bathroom we see its empty*

 

Thoughts start flourishing through my disgusting mind and i brush them off and walk into a stall. 

 

Smirking to myself.

 

I hear the stall door that I didn’t shit suddenly shut and lock.

I feel hands grab me...her hand grab me by my waist and pull me towards her as our lips make contact.

 

At first im just there in shock that she of all people made the first move and a really hot one at that.

 

Then i kiss her back , i kiss her back like she’s all that matters to me ,i kiss her like we have all the time in the world.

 

It was soft and innocent at first.

 

But then shit got intense as fuck.

 

Suddenly her tongue is intertwined with mine and her hands are going up my shirt slowly tracing upwards and grabbing what she was aiming for, she whispers to me to take my shirt off and i strip so fucking fast she giggles, her mouth moves down my from my lips to my neck marking me, she stays at my neck for a while making sure to please me, then moves down to my nipple..and starts sucking it like its all she craves..”I'm so fucking wet baby” i moan.

Her hand is suddenly down there...and i try to not gasp as her warm touch makes me feel so good, she starts kissing me again her hand still down there but staying still..”I can’t take it anymore, please touch me”

She smirks and says” hmm ok babygirl but you have to stay quiet”

I nod and bite my lip.

 

She takes me panties off and stares at me. 

Then suddenly im up against the wall and shes down on her knees.

She looks up at me and smiles.

God her smile is the most precious thing I’ve ever set eyes on.

I look at her..pleading with my eyes for her to lick me up.

 

She seems to understand because her tongues is suddenly on me, moving in such motions i had no idea were possible

“Oh FUCK BABY” i yell.

She hisses motioning me to shutup.

But its so hard, damnit she feels so good I can’t keep it in.. her mouth fucking me is just the best feeling in the world, she’s down there licking me so good making me moan and suffer..”harder babe harder please” i beg.

 

I feel her tongue going harder and deeper, i cant stand up anymore so she sits me down on her shirt that she now has thrown to the floor and continues to please me.

 

I take it she's surprised I’ve lasted so long..i am too.

 

But im close i can feel it.

“I’m close” i mutter.

 

She ignores me and goes harder than before, her finger going in me and her tongue coming up to my lips giving me a taste of myself...she goes back down and starts kissing my clit, so soft and gentle her lips are.

“FUCK IM SO CLOSE” i almost scream.

 

She keeps working hard sticking her tongue deep inside me and her hand going up and playing with my mouth.

 

“AH SHIT “ i say as I release .

 

I cum all over her lips...but she doesn’t stop.

She’s still going.

 

“Baby I can’t take it,jesus it feels so fucking good it’s too much” i whisper.

 

She continues to finger me and kiss me until i cum for a second time.

And im sitting there shaken and looking like a huge mess.

“Your turn” i say in the most seductive   
voice i can do”

 

-

She looks at me and doesn’t say anything...just stares at me.

 

-

“You’re so beautiful” she says.

 

-

I blush so hard i dont know what to say so i just kiss her.

-

Lifting her up and pushing her to the door, and i kiss her again and again..until i move my knee upwards and bring it to where she’s dripping...pulling her panties off i move my knee backwards and forwards my mouth still on hers.

“Baby” i hear her say.

 

-

 

I move my lips down to her neck and suck it. Leaving hickeys on her collorbones.

 

Good thing shes wearing something that’ll cover that. I think tyo myself 

 

“Please  
I need you” she moans.

I smirk and move my knee and stop kissing her.

 

Staring at her i say “I love you”

 

She looks taken aback.

 

I don’t want her to say it back just because i said it so i say” now lay down on that shirt” .

 

She listens and goes down

 

i crawl towards her sliding my hand towards her clit, finding it i move my handbin circular motions, trying my best to please her.

 

-

 

 

God she’s so beautiful.

 

And wet she’s also really fuckin wet i should probably help her instead of staring so much.

 

Smirking i move my lips down all the way to the jackpot..where she’s dripping, i look at it and start licking as much as i can.

“Fuck fuck FUCK” i hear her yell.

 

“Shhh baby shhh” i say as my lips are on her.

she grabs my hair and pulls me down on her..motioning for me to suck harder.

 

“Huh quite desperate arent we lyannie” i say slyly.

 

“Shutup and fuck me” she says.

 

Ya she’s right im teasing her too much.

 

Hands going up and touching her nipples and mouth on her clit sucking and licking as much as i can she finally says” I think im close” i nod and bring my hand down and start bringing it in and out of her it was one finger, then it became two and she was a moaning mess. 

-

 

Begging for more i tried to give her what she wanted.

 

-

 

“Im cumming” she mutters

 

Warning me

 

-

 

I smirk against her goods.

 

As she released into my mouth i brought her leg over mine and brought my leg over hers. 

 

-

 

Wonder if she knows how to scissor.

 

\- she looks at me in disbelief

“I just came...what are you doing” she says.

 

“Babe you gave me 2 orgasms, im about to do the same”

she just stares at me and says “I love you”

 

-

 

Huh I didn’t expect that.

 

“I—“. I try to reply.

 

*bathroom door opens*

 

“Lyanne? Are you in here?”

FUCK ITS HER MOM.

I motion for her to say something.

 

-

 

*lyannes POV*

 

Fuck fuck my moms here, what should i say oh god.

 

I look into kacys eyes and she motions for me to say something.

 

“Uh yah mom im here” i reply.

 

“Oh okay wheres your friend?” She asks.

-

Fuck.

 

“She went to get some snacks at the stall” i lie.

 

“Oh ok we’re going to leave soon so make sure to tell her okay?”

 

-  
Shit.

 

“Okay mom”

 

*door shuts close”

 

I hear a laugh.

 

Its kacy

Of course 

 

Only she would find a risk like this amusing.

 

“So uh where were we” she says.

 

I look at her wondering if she heard what i said earlier.

 

But I didn’t ask.

 

Just smirked and told her she was about to fuck the living shit outta me.

 

“Haha oh ya” she says.

 

Next thing i know shes rubbing her clit onto mine her hips moving in such ridiculous ways that it makes me feel so good. I decide that this is probably a team effort thing.

 

-

So i bring my hips up and start moving with her.

 

Both of us trying to take control and both of us failing.

 

Im struggling to keep my moans in .

I guess kacy notices because she brings her lips up to mine...hips still moving in magical ways.

 

-

Making me want more and more.

 

“Im gonna cum” we both say at the same time and then giggle.

 

“AHH FUCKKK BABY FUCKK” she screams.

 

“SHUTUP AHH” i scream back moaning at the same time.

 

...i feel satisfaction run through me as i cum on her.

 

“God that was so fucking good” I whisper.

 

She smiles and says”I know god i know” 

 

I don’t wanna leave her.

 

God damn 

Im in love with her.

 

I found that out weeks ago.

 

But i haven't admitted to myself because i was afraid I’d get caught.

 

But i just told her and it looked like she was going to reply.

 

But then mom came and ruined it.

 

Fuck.

 

Maybe i should say it again.

 

“Kace?”

 

“Mhmm” she says while putting her clothes back on.

 

“I love you.” I say.

 

She turns around and stares at me.

 

Smiles and says” i will always be confused as to why you love me, but i love you too baby”. 

 

How can she not know how much i love her.

I try to tell her what she means to me.

 

But she kisses me and shuts me up.

 

“Ok now ill go into the next stall you walk out first and then I’ll walk out a little bit after you “ she says.

 

“Ok ok” i reply.

 

I walk out the bathroom door and find that it’s still empty.

 

Im glad this bathroom was clean holy fuck. 

 

Fuck did i just lose my virginity to a girl.

 

Fuck yes i did.

 

And ive never been happier.

 

I wonder if this was kacy’s first time with a girl.

 

I’ll ask her some other time i guess.

 

“LYANNE YOUR FATHERS WAITING” i hear my mom yell from across the bathroom.

 

“OKAY COMING” i yell back.

 

I feel arms wrap around my waist and a head fall to my shoulder face burying in my neck.

“I love you so much lyanne,god i love you so much, you’re all i want all i need,you make me feel so happy, God fuck it i love you” she whispers into my neck.

 

“I love you more” i reply.

Its all i can really say

 

Al the other words are stuck in my throat and can’t seem to come out.

 

“LYANNE LETS GO” my mom yells again.

Fuck did she see that.

 

Well she probably didnt think much of it since kacys clingy and stuff..

 

“You have to go?” I hear her say in the saddest voice.

 

“I’m so sorry my love but im afraid so”. I say.

 

“Mmm okay then...i guess maybe we can try getting together again?” She asks.

 

“Definitely! Of course” i say.

She takes a look around   
And kisses me real quick and softly.

 

I kiss back and hug her. 

 

Telling her to text me when she gets home.

 

Its hard leaving her.

 

It’s a weird thing but when we were fucking(yikes) i saw her scars...all over her legs..a few on her wrists and even some on her stomach.

 

So leaving her will always worry me.

 

Even when we’re texting and stuff i hate telling her that I have to go.

I’m always afraid it will be the last time i hear from her.

 

But today she looks so happy.

 

Her cheeks are bright red.

Her smile is so big i cant help but smile.

 

Her eyes show so much happiness and it makes me worry less.

 

For today at least

 

She hugs me one more time and kisses my cheeck.

 

“You text me as well okay? Bye baby”

 

“Okay i will” i clear my throat. “Bye love”

 

I walk towards my car and our hands drift apart. 

 

*stepping into the car” i turn around and see her...she collapsed onto the floor.

It looks like shes crying but i cant tell.

 

My mom looks at me confused.

 

“Gimme a sec mom? Please?” I ask.

“Ok but please hurry”

 

I run

As  
Fast i can towards her.

I hate to see her cry.

 

“Hey” i say lamely.

 

She looks up her eyes red and her hands shaking..

“Hey whats wrong?” I ask.

 

“Pnk ayck” she says

 

“Baby what?” I say 

”pnck takc” she says again

 

“Panic attack?”

 

She nods.

 

Fuck .

Fuck.

I sometimes forget she has a panic disorder.

 

People leaving her can cause it. Whomever it might be.

Okay i can help her.

 

I text mom saying “she’s having a panic attack give me a minute please”

 

I go down on my knees and lift her chin up.

 

Takingn a quick look around i see that the park is empty.

 

And my car is far.

 

I tilt her chin upwards and bring my lips down to hers.

It was a soft kiss

 

Not like the crazyness in the bathroom. No this was an innocent, soft kiss.

 

We were under a tree so nobody could see us.

 

As i cup her cheek i can feel the stickyness of her tears.

 

And it breaks my heart.

 

I hate seeing her like this.

 

I wish i could fucking help.

 

Wait.

 

She stopped crying.

She isnt shaking as much.

It takes everything in me to pull away.

 

I look at her.

 

She looks back.

 

She looks embarrassed.

It made me smile.

 

I waited with her until her brother came to pick her up.

 

We hugged one last time. 

 

And said goodbye.

 

Walking back to the car I realized how much i love her.

I kissed a girl in public. 

 

Risky as fuck.

 

But I did it for her.

 

Because i love her.

 

I hope she knows that.

 

All her life people have lied to her and left her to herself.

 

It’s why she says she self harms so much.

 

I hope she’ll be okay.

 

I’ll dm her.

 

“Hey kacy baby..how r y feeling?” I send.

“Ting”

 

This bitch is so fast damn

 

“I’m okay just embarrassed is all”she replies 

 

“I’ll hit you dont be embarrassed okay? I love you.” I send.

 

“Lol okay...”  
She sends...

 

“I love you too”.  
She replies.

 

“Talk tomorrow okay?” I ask.

 

“Okay okay bye bye” she says.

 

“ bye baby” i reply.

 

Holy fuck I’m in love.


End file.
